So the reason I'm going crazy:
A few weeks ago I had a dream that I was getting married. Kimber, Shawn, and their 6 y/o son showed up, and Kimber was wearing a wedding dress at my wedding. Understandably, I was mad and hurt in the dream.
So, I wrote the dream down, sent it to her for a lark, to see what she thought that meant. I don't remember if I knew she was preggo at that point or not. I thought it meant that I'd be getting married in five years or so. She told me that deep down I'm jealous of her because she's starting her life and a family already and I'm not.
Ever since then I've been kind of hostile about her and I can't stop thinking about it. I can't watch the "Birth Day" shows because I feel like I'm being envious. I've got a little hole in my life that I haven't been able to fill yet and every time I try to figure out what it is I need, she pops into my head saying I'm jealous of what she has. Maybe some of it DOES have to do with the fact that I've done everything right and I'm barely scraping by and having a hard time making friends. She does whatever she wants and everyone is in love with her because/in spite of it.
I think the worst part is that I feel like she's being really irresponsible, even though I can't/won't say anything about it. Not to mention that her husband and I don't get along at all. Thoughts? Suggestions?
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2 comments:
First of all, I don't think you're jealous. Kimber may be married and starting a family, but is she happy? You told me her hubby is a jerk and controlling and before she was pregs she was questioning the relationship. Is that a way to live? I don't think so. You have nothing to be envious of. Even if you're scraping by, you're happy doing it. You've got a great boy that all of your friends and family love, you've got an amazing job, you get to keep the apartment you love and are lucky to have AND still have les animaux.
I think she's jealous of you honestly. You dreamt you were getting married and happy, and she shows up with her crappy marriage and the son that kept her in it trying to poach on your day.
I don't mean to sound negative about Kimber, it's just my perspective. You know we've never really gotten along and with some of my experiences with her that's just the vibe I get. Case and point, if you had that dream about me, I would've told you that it's ridiculous and that I would NEVER, EVER do that... EVER. She tells you're jealous.
You shouldn't feel guilty about watching whatever you want. I watch those shows too. It doesn't mean I'm envious of other people, it means I enjoy seeing people happy and want insight into what I will hopefully get to experience in the future. I want to get married and have kids, that's why I watch. Not because I want them now and am jealous.
I think you have the right to be hostile. You went to her looking for support and a laugh and she didn't do either. The last thing I'll leave you with is that you are an adult and can do, say, watch, and act any way you want, who gives a shit about what other people think. Screw'em all if they don't like it. If it makes you happy, and is legal, do it. I love you just the way you are and because of who you are. Anyone who makes you sadies has to deal with me and it WON'T be pretty.
And I don't believe Kimber gets everything so easily. She's had trouble in love ever since I've known her, she quit school when her mom had that accident and never really got back to it completely, and she lost two babies (no one deserves that.) No one gets to lead the perfect life. It doesn't exist.
P.S.
I like the $1800 one too. It's absolutely amazing! And no I haven't seen Michele's ring.
Oh, and if it's a ring from Tony, hawk it if it's worth something, give it back or away if it's not.
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