Two parter.
Part One - Is there any way for this thing to tell me when there are posts? I forgot to check for a few days and there were a ton.
Part Two - I have a nice apartment. I'm getting out of my crappy job and into a good one. I'm almost finished applying to CND. I found out I get paid roughly double my salary for the summer. I have a brand new kitten. I have an AMAZING boyfriend, way better than my last one. So why do I feel so bad?
It started a few days ago, I started feeling really sad about Tony. Not like I wanted him back, no way in hell. Just like it was a part of my life that ended. Now I'm sad in general with this huge gaping hole and full of longing. I need something really badly but I don't know what it is. Like I'm almost suffocating. I have this uncontrollable, constant urge to run away. Like I need to go away, anywhere but here. But everywhere I go, that I can go with my time and monetary constraints, I feel the same. Any thoughts?
About Me
- Besties!
- Casey and Kim met in the spring of 1999 before the first marching band practice of the year. Kim, an incoming freshman, was in the old music wing of their high school where Casey happened to be hanging out until practice. Casey led Kim to the new band room and their friendship blossomed over the next year. Casey and Kim have been best friends for 9 years even though they attended college and now live 1400 miles apart.
2 comments:
Problem number 1: I say we text each other when we blog or comment. That way we know when we post.
Problem number 2:
Option 1: I think that you are just about to go through a major transition, and the last time you did that without Tony was when you started high school. You graduated high school, started college, graduated college and started grad school together. I think what you're feeling longing for isn't Tony, it's the comfort and safety he represented when you were so unsure of what the future held. He was you're steady in a world of unknown. You're relationship with C is still new, you're in an area you haven't planned for because you've been planning on grad school for the next 3 years for so long. You're about to jump off a bridge into the unknown and you're longing for something you know to keep you a float so you don't drown. But have faith darling! You are amazing and your life will be amazing! Once you get through this transition you'll realize you never needed that floaty anyway. Just know that even if you start to drown you have so many people that love you and won't let it happen anyway.
Option 2: You miss his friendship. Like I said, he was a big part of your life. Maybe you just miss talking to him. E-mail him or chat on AIM. It doesn't have to be like EVERY day, but every once in a while to keep in touch.
Problem 1 - will do.
Problem 2 - I've spent a while thinking about it. And this weekend (whose activites are the content of another blog) I realized what it is. I miss the quality of life I had with him. I got to go on vacation all the time. We went camping every other weekend. And, as I realized at the end of the relationship, I liked the things I did with his parents more than him. I just liked being able to do things more often. And the other part is I miss having my own space. I don't feel very girly anymore and I don't have any "me" space in which I can unwind.
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